He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
