My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
