Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
