I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
