i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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