it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
