He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i think i just lost a toe
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
