I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
