No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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