i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
