I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
