Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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