Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
