this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
