trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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