Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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