I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
