Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
