I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize