Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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