if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
