I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
