Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
