i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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