I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
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