I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
