im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
