His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
