Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
