the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
