If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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