I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
