Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I am one with the molecules
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
