He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Pooping to opera.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
