So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
