This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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