Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
