drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
