You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
