dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
