I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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