how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
