Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
