I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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