tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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