were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
