last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he puts the penis in happiness.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Randomize
