I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
