Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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