dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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