I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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