I feel like I'm in dance class right now
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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