I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
