apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize