My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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