I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
