Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
