Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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