Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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