Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Floor bacon is actually really good
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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