I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
