i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
