I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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