She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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