I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
