theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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