Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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