he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
